Making Moves vs The Art of Seduction

Ever felt  kind of socially blocked when it comes to dating?

From personal experience, I know what it’s like to fancy someone, but feel like there’s a code to adhere to.

Recently, I’ve come to believe that perhaps the fear of coming on too strong or being ‘too available’ is embedded with sexism.

Why should women wait around in passivity? That approach only makes us feel that we’re missing out in life. You may look back and wonder, what if?

Why should what men think of us come before responding to our own desires? At least if you make a move, you have put your intentions out there. If they like you back then you’ve planted the seed for that flower to blossom. Men ain’t the only gardeners.

Why is it that men can actively pursue women, even in an aggressive manner, yet, if women want to be taken seriously, we have to put on a show of indifference.

Is this innate, or is it a story that needs to be rewritten?

IMG_2533I think that each individual will have their own way of expressing themselves. For some that may be extroversion. Others may like to enjoy the chase and be more introverted. Whichever approach you take, you should feel comfortable expressing yourself in  whatever way feels natural. You shouldn’t have to pretend to be something you’re not, or pretend to not want something that you do. Where’s the joy in that?

I do believe there is an art of seduction but its not a one sided scenario. As much as it may be unattractive if a women lays it on thick, the same goes for men. Yet, this is ambiguous. Complimenting somebody in a  flirtatious way is a sign of confidence and kindness and may even be a signal that the person is mature – they don’t care about playing games. That’s attractive.

The important thing to take from this read is that you do what feels right for you and question your intentions. Waiting the same amount of time to text him back as he took to text you? Maybe you’re investing a little too much energy into this ‘cool exterior’. Just be you.

Lastly, notions of gender codes won’t change until we change.  We’re not waiting for permission or waiting for somebody else to make an example so that we can follow. It starts with you. Take what’s yours. Men will follow suit.

Drowning in Clothes

Your wardobe is insightful; it tells alot about you without saying anything.

Most people that I know well enough to have seen their wardrobes, have too many clothes. As in they have clothes and shoes that they don’t wear – ever. When was the last time you wore those khaki combat trousers?

Trouble is, people buy clothes to sketch out an identity for themselves. For some, this identity changes with fashion – how meek.

This is why I’m here to tell you that less is more. I’m here to tell you this because I know the weight of material baggage. There was a time where I thought it didn’t really matter and that to clear out my closet was just my way of procrastinating in life. It wasn’t until recently when I decided to travel, that I had to yet again, sort through, but this time I was ruthless.

Believe it or not, but all the little material objects you that you collect hold memories, symbols and tell a certain narrative to you. By holding onto these mere objects you’re holding onto the past. Why do you want to preserve the past so much?

During this sort through where I for once rationally organised this material shit, I realised I had kept clothes from when I was 17 – that’s 7 years and I could count on one hand the amount of times I’d worn them.

The question is why do we hold onto these things and keep buying more? Material isn’t going to make you who you want to be – only you can do that. The more time and money we spend on clothes, the less we invest in ourselves. You could invest in yourself by taking a step back and pondering on what it is that you enjoy doing. Everyone has an interest in some form or another. Find yours and start doing more of it. Buying is merely a way of trying to fill that part of us that craves more from life. In actual fact, buying more doesn’t enrich our sense of self, it drowns it.

Stop being a slave to the fashion industry and to the Capitalistic system in general,  which only wants to exploit you. Sure, I’m all for possessing nice garments and having a style of your own, but you do this better with fewer items, anyway.

Since havng my sort through, I now only have clothes that I know I wear. Once you have cleansed your closet, you allow space for your atttitude towards buying to evolve. Now you have a minimal and meaningful wardrobe, you’ll think twice before you buy that on-sale-garbage-that-you-dont-really-want.

You’ll only buy things that you really love and you’ll feel wholesome in them!


The Bigger Picture

Believe it or not, but the problem spreads further than our wardrobes.

Everything we do has a consequence. Yes, consequences. Those things that the 21st century first worlders love to sweep under the carpet.

If you buy a top from Primark for £1.50 and it’s made in Bagladesh,  have a ponder on how much it costs to make that top. Why is it so cheap? Who made the damned thing? And what kind of conditions were they in?

Producing large amounts of clothes cheaply requires poor working conditions and environemental hazards. The collapse of Rana Plaza, Bangladesh in 2013 is an example of how people are literally dying for clothes.

Rana Plaza took less than 90 seconds to collapse, killing 1,134 people

Less than 90 seconds. What kind of state was the joint in for it to collapse in that time? It’s shocking that people agreed to work in those conditions in the first place. How desperate must they have been? You have a group of people so willing to work that they will enter a demolishing building – and that’s how the fashion industry choses to treat them. And do you know what is driving that evil cycle? Consumers who keep buying. I would rather pay more for a top if it meant that the person making it was safe.

There are plenty of people in the world who will give this the ‘I don’t care’ because they think it doesn’t affect their life. These people are very very very small. They don’t have the intelligence or emtoional availability to simply see past themselves. They are probably really lonely.

Back to the point, which is that it’s really important just to be mindful of what you are buying. You don’t have to change your habits in a day; just by having the awareness that somebody has actually made the clothes you wear (they don’t magically appear on the shop floor) is a step in the right direction.