Ever felt kind of socially blocked when it comes to dating?
From personal experience, I know what it’s like to fancy someone, but feel like there’s a code to adhere to.
Recently, I’ve come to believe that perhaps the fear of coming on too strong or being ‘too available’ is embedded with sexism.
Why should women wait around in passivity? That approach only makes us feel that we’re missing out in life. You may look back and wonder, what if?
Why should what men think of us come before responding to our own desires? At least if you make a move, you have put your intentions out there. If they like you back then you’ve planted the seed for that flower to blossom. Men ain’t the only gardeners.
Why is it that men can actively pursue women, even in an aggressive manner, yet, if women want to be taken seriously, we have to put on a show of indifference.
Is this innate, or is it a story that needs to be rewritten?
I think that each individual will have their own way of expressing themselves. For some that may be extroversion. Others may like to enjoy the chase and be more introverted. Whichever approach you take, you should feel comfortable expressing yourself in whatever way feels natural. You shouldn’t have to pretend to be something you’re not, or pretend to not want something that you do. Where’s the joy in that?
I do believe there is an art of seduction but its not a one sided scenario. As much as it may be unattractive if a women lays it on thick, the same goes for men. Yet, this is ambiguous. Complimenting somebody in a flirtatious way is a sign of confidence and kindness and may even be a signal that the person is mature – they don’t care about playing games. That’s attractive.
The important thing to take from this read is that you do what feels right for you and question your intentions. Waiting the same amount of time to text him back as he took to text you? Maybe you’re investing a little too much energy into this ‘cool exterior’. Just be you.
Lastly, notions of gender codes won’t change until we change. We’re not waiting for permission or waiting for somebody else to make an example so that we can follow. It starts with you. Take what’s yours. Men will follow suit.