Making Moves vs The Art of Seduction

Ever felt  kind of socially blocked when it comes to dating?

From personal experience, I know what it’s like to fancy someone, but feel like there’s a code to adhere to.

Recently, I’ve come to believe that perhaps the fear of coming on too strong or being ‘too available’ is embedded with sexism.

Why should women wait around in passivity? That approach only makes us feel that we’re missing out in life. You may look back and wonder, what if?

Why should what men think of us come before responding to our own desires? At least if you make a move, you have put your intentions out there. If they like you back then you’ve planted the seed for that flower to blossom. Men ain’t the only gardeners.

Why is it that men can actively pursue women, even in an aggressive manner, yet, if women want to be taken seriously, we have to put on a show of indifference.

Is this innate, or is it a story that needs to be rewritten?

IMG_2533I think that each individual will have their own way of expressing themselves. For some that may be extroversion. Others may like to enjoy the chase and be more introverted. Whichever approach you take, you should feel comfortable expressing yourself in  whatever way feels natural. You shouldn’t have to pretend to be something you’re not, or pretend to not want something that you do. Where’s the joy in that?

I do believe there is an art of seduction but its not a one sided scenario. As much as it may be unattractive if a women lays it on thick, the same goes for men. Yet, this is ambiguous. Complimenting somebody in a  flirtatious way is a sign of confidence and kindness and may even be a signal that the person is mature – they don’t care about playing games. That’s attractive.

The important thing to take from this read is that you do what feels right for you and question your intentions. Waiting the same amount of time to text him back as he took to text you? Maybe you’re investing a little too much energy into this ‘cool exterior’. Just be you.

Lastly, notions of gender codes won’t change until we change.  We’re not waiting for permission or waiting for somebody else to make an example so that we can follow. It starts with you. Take what’s yours. Men will follow suit.

Trusting your gut

Too many times I’ve pushed myself when there was no need to push.

All for what?

In vain.

We’re taught that hard work is important and you have to work for what you want.

But let’s not forget to listen to our hearts.

I feel more productive when I give myself a break. Today I made an imporant phone call a day late. I didn’t mind because that was the right time for me. Turns out the person I had to speak to wasn’t even ready to speak to me yet.

You see how your body knows before your head does?

Let’s think less and trust more.

Take your time and live your live how you choose… That’s your creative expression.

Let’s not forget how precious life is.

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Where Happiness Comes From

They say happiness is a choice. Sometimes it’s easy to be happy; when everything’s going your way and things are physically making you smile.

Have you ever had a day where it’s tough to feel happy? Silly question. Please don’t compare yourself to other people that feel happy all the time. 1. They’re probably not. 2. Don’t believe everything you see on social media. 3. Those who feel a wider range of emotions are more receptive and emotionally intelligent.

Don’t let this stream of superficiality bog you down. Embrace your emotions and glide with them. True happiness comes from a choice you make within yourself. I guess on those days when you’re not feeling on the bright side of life, if you can manage contentment, you’re doing an okay job.

Did you ever think about how flowers become flowers? They must be buried in the ground, in complete darkness in order to sprout. Next time you pass a beautiful flower, think about all that she’s been through to be so beautiful and smell so good.

Don’t drown in your bad days. They’re just temporary, as is everything. Trouble is that the society we live in capitalises on our insecurities. Everything we work towards is to gain success in a physical/materialistic form. That could be working towards a holiday, a car, a new dress, a night out. Everything is material, to make money and keep the game going.

It’s no wonder that there’s a mental health epidemic. People don’t know how to deal with complex feelings like anxiety and depression because we’re made to feel like it’s not normal to have such feelings. People turn to shopping or drugs etc to run from these feelings; but you’ll never escape yourself.

I’m all for having nice things in lif, but they don’t make me who I am or add value to my person. They just express something about me. It’s important that we focus internally for strength and fulfilment.

I’ve seen that bleakness in people who put money and material things above everything else. To me, they’re the biggest losers, because real life is in the connection that we make with people and in those moments of giving. Sure, money can help us have a good time, there’s no doubt about it, but if you haven’t got the foundation of your internal Self, then you haven’t got anything.

Sociopathic individuals who are only out for themselves have probably been spoilt all their lives. In this sense they just don’t know the difference. The silver spoon has made them complacent. They’ve never had to graft and therefore they’ve never met situations in life that open them up to people or experiences that could have added a layer to their character. These people are blocked.

This is why I’m telling you that it’s good to have a range of feelings. Even though they take you high and low, up and down, it’s all worth it. You are alive and kicking. Embracing these feelings and powering on, sticking at your graft, they are building your resilience.

I felt like I had literally lost my will while I was in work recently. I felt demotivated, exhausted and even when my manager tried to mend the situation and give me opportunities, I still felt unable to step up. I was blocked. Then like an angel from above, a regular (customer) asked me how I was… we talked about the situation and he had a huge impact on my attitude. In so many words he said that nothing is permanent in life but everything is right now. The situation you’re in is the situation you’re in right now, so take whatever you can from it. His words exactly were, ‘these experiences will physically change you’. It clicked for me then. The only way out of pain is through it. The only way you’re going to get past where you are is by breaking through whatever is holding you back and that requires resilience and determination.

(This regular of mine is now called ‘Good Vibes Steves’,  amongst me and my friends; and I am hereby honouring his wisdom. If you’re reading Steve, thank you very much. 😊)

Resilience is exactly what you need to stay happy…or just, not sad.

Because it’s OK not to feel happy!!

Just let it pass. Focus on other things. You may be feeling unhappy because you’ve spent too much head space thinking about an issue in your life. The more you think about a problem, the more energy you give to it and the more prominent it is in your life.

Help someone. The best way to feel good is help somebody else. And to really mean it, from your heart.

Spend time with loved ones and just pay attention to them.

Happiness is a choice within you; your most prized possession. Everyone has hard times and I’m not disregarding them or pushing a constantly positive attitude – that wouldn’t be healthy. But if you can have a presence of this awareness within yourself that emotions come in different shapes and sizes and come and go… You will feel stronger, more resilient and thereby more equipped to take what you want from life.

It’s a short life after all.

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so, smile, it won’t hurt you